Excuse me, please.

When did rudeness and bad behavior become acceptable? Why is some measure of personal reserve considered uppity? What makes people openly burp at restaurants, divulge private information to strangers and criticize on a whim?

It isn't really difficult to be gracious. You smile and nod. You listen and ask simple, non-prying questions. You offer assistance if appropriate. Don't offer advice or eagerly await your chance to tell your own story, trying to outdo the other person's happiness or misery. Smile and nod. Possibly touch someone's sleeve if they need some support but do not assault them with a full-frontal hug unless that person is your child or significant other. In that case, ask first.

You have gas? Go outside. Really bad gas? Go home.

Don't spit. Carry a tissue, handkercheif or go to the restroom. Reaquaint yourself with the words, "thank you." Don't be condescending to a someone's face or embarrass them intentionally. Be the bigger person.

Practice several different ways of smiling and nodding and make up some new combnation smile/nods. There, you have just become more polite and pleasant to be around.

Thank you.

Oompa Loompa Syndrome

We have scientific proof of the damaging effects of the sun to our skin and eyes and those of you/us with any sense will decrease our sun exposure.

But, pasty ain't cute and I'm too old to cultivate a Goth look.

Self-tanner has rescued me from glow-in-the-dark whiteness, inherent to my Irish heritage. Application can be a little dicey and if you are at all reckless about it, you'll develop a horrid, orange streaking that no amount of acetone nail polish remover or bleach will undo. Tan palms? Unless you're using latex exam gloves, they go with the territory.

I confess. I didn't do a great job last night. I was the very definition of reckless. But bronze stripes can be hot, right?

Right?

Keeping Up With the Neighbors

I know several people who blog. Yup, they do it right out there in the open-for everyone to see. And being a borderline voyeur, I read them frequently.

It should be noted here that the majority of these bloggers are interesting, educated, witty, computer literate people. Some are even local celebrities, which pretty much guarantees readership. They are happening hipsters, writers and men about town. I envision the masses, racing home from work to see what the Those People posted whilst the grey and dreary plugged away from 8-4.

In the words of an infamous, Vice Presidential candidate, "What am I doing here, why am I here?"

I'm blogging, 'cause I can.