Dying of Thirst

Three hundred miles away and what do I miss most about St. Louis? Iced tea.

I guess one could say I drink a lot of tea- pretty close to a gallon a day. But I'm an iced tea snob and it can only come from a few sources if it's to be really good iced tea. Hartford Coffee and the south county Hardee's both make a drinkable tea but the supreme iced tea maker, the exhalted beverage dispensing king of them all, is Quick Trip. Any Quick Trip, at that! Extra large cup, filled with crushed ice (you know, because at QT I have the option for crushed or cubes-another bonus)gurgling with unsweetened, freshly brewed tea made with filtered water and seven packets of Splenda. Dayum, I miss that.

In a moment of adventurous weakness, I purchased a diet raspberry flavored Snapple from Walgreens and promptly wretched upon opening the bottle. 'Twas too vile to touch my lips. It smelled like skraight-up vomit.

So, I'm back to my former fave, Diet Coke, until I can get the hell out of the state of Indiana and back to the things I love the most...like QT iced tea.

The Frustration of Tags

Who doesn't have a bone to pick with the DMV or Department of Revenue? In the ongoing efforts to have my new vehicle titled and plated, I've come up with a few gripes not covered by every stand-up comedian currently working the comedy club circuit.

1. There are no men working at either bureau. No hotties to make the waiting in line a little less monotonous.

2. The women who work there are all morbidly obese with badly bleached hair. And, their clothes look more like they're off to the coin laundry instead of to their goverment protected and well-paying jobs.

3. Their beverages (I seemed to notice a preference for 1 liter bottles of Pepsi) are enormous. They swill these sodas every 12 seconds, you know, because they're so thirsty from the strenuous job of ignoring the line of angry people.

4. There must be some madate requiring that a maximum of two (2) service windows be open at a time, regardless of how many people are sacrificing their lunch breaks to get vehicle plates or driver's licenses. The other DOR/DMV employees just sort of mill around looking smug and superior without actually doing anything.

5. Employees laugh at dejected customers who have waited for an hour or more if they are missing a piece of documentation or paperwork. I witnessed this several times. Nice, huh?

6. They should all wear those t-shirts that say, "I can only please one person a day and today ain't your day. Tomorrow isn't looking too good, either." This should be the motto of the DOR and the Omega Moos on Stools should actually say it when folks approach the infrequent open window. The line should be delivered using the standard smarmy, condescending voice they all use.

7. When they say, "I can help the next person in line." They really mean, "I hate you all and I hate your children. Hope you have two hours to hang around while I waste your time."

I'm already dreading next year's visit.