As Good As It Gets

It's pretty commonly known that I have some germ issues. Most of them relate to food or items having a relationship to food like dishes, glasses and silverware.

I like to prepare my own food. My hands are immaculately clean, my workspace is spotless and I don't scratch my head or pick my nose while I'm cooking. At home I use disposable utensils, plates and cups. Paper towels are stocked and antibacterial soap is at the ready. Yes, I know I'm killing the earth.

Communal dining is also a major problem. Nothing makes my skin crawl like the phrase, "Here, try mine." There are only a few people permitted to trade foods with me. You know who you are. To take a bite from your fork, share a dessert or stick my hand into your box of cheese doodles, I must be incredibly comfortable with you.

I like to use plastic or paper at the cafe. I eat at places where I can see the kitchen from my seat. I go out with people who don't give me a hard time about my quirks. Eat-Rite or don't eat at all? I'll pass, thanks.