Exit Strategy

If I am suddenly, inexplicably missing one of two things has occurred.

Scenario Uno: One of my multiple ex-husbands has made good on his promise to "get me." This is the far more unlikely possibility.

Scenario Dos: I've dropped out of society, Unabomber style, and am stumbling around Beale Street in Memphis. Most probably, I will be mumbling to myself and have unintentionally developed dreadlocks. I will not be "stalking" him in the literal/legal sense, but I may believe that I am dating Jonny Lang.

Please try to keep a five-spot in your pocket if you come looking for me. I'm gonna need a couple of Krispy Kreme doughnuts and a menthol cigarette.

Just, you know, in case this ever happens.