So You Wanna Be A Hip Hop Impresario...

I'd heard of Scott Storch before. I knew he is a big time music writer and producer and works wit' the biggest names in the mainstream music business. Some of those names include; Dr. Dre, Beyonce, Snoop Dogg and Sean Paul. I knew that he ranked right up there with The Neptunes in the "hit making" department.

Today, I had a rare opportunity to watch television with cable. There was an E! show about Christina Aguilera that caught my attention. (Please, don't judge me for this small transgression.) Lo and behold, Ms. Dirrrty also credits Scott Storch with some of her success. He was interviewed on camera-the first time I'd ever actually seen him.

He's a big, doofus, white guy! I love it! I love that my stereotypes were annihilated by this one dude with suburban, heavily gelled hair and a jacked up grill. To his credit, he was wearing very smooth shades. I was gloriously wrong in my expectations.

Thanks, Scott Storch. And thanks, E! Entertainment.

Snide and Prejudice

Education snobs. I despise them. Their elitist, better-than-everybody-else attitude makes me want to vomit on their multiple degrees and GPAs. Years ago, while working in a special education school, I witnesed the following story.

The Director of Education (aka Principal) was assigned a supervisor with lesser education than she. The supervisor did have extensive experience in the residential treatment field and was hired because of his far-reaching contacts in the industry. On the day of the announcement, Principal High N. Mighty stormed past me in the hall and demanded, of no one in particular, "How can they do this? I can't believe I have to report to someone with a Bachelor's degree!"

Recently, a D.W. (Degree Whore) asked what the minimum education requirements were to apply for a job at the cafe. I was appalled. First of all, none of your business unless you need some extra money and are inquiring on your own behalf. Second, the answer is none.

Does that Master's, PhD, GED or BA guarantee honesty? What about dependability? Are scholars more considerate of their fellow man? Are they better citizens of the world than the man or woman who cleans hotel rooms, farms the land or makes sandwiches for a living?

The Scarecrow had brains. He was intelligent, kind and creative. He was a loyal friend. And even after he received his diploma from the Wizard, he was far happier for his companions' achievements than for himself.

Let's all be a little more Scarecrow, shall we?

Shameless Self Promotion

Upon threat of being branded a hypocrite, I auditioned for a community theater production of Fiddler On The Roof. I figured that as a blue-eyed Irish lass with a nose ring, my destiny would, at very best, land me in the back of the chorus, waving my skirt around and singing with the men. Wrong.

See me as Golde at the Mable Stage Theatre (located in the Shrewsbury City Center) on July 14, 15 and 16 at 7:00 p.m. A special matinee will be offered on Sunday, July 17 at 2:00 p.m. Tickets are 10.00 and may be purchased in advance at the Hartford Coffee Company (www.hartfordcoffeecompany.com for directions)or you can chance it at the door before the perfomance.

2:30 AM Dreaming...

What would you do if you won the lottery?

Isn't that a frequently posed question? I've been asked several times by different people and I've even asked it a time or two. After years of thought, here goes:

I'd take the lump sum payout and pay The Man whatever I owe. I hate that part.

I'd set aside some as inheritence for anyone who is still in my good graces and hasn't irritated me by asking if they are, "in the will." If that person winks or tells me they are just kidding-that's it. They're out.

A house would be my first priority. It doesn't have to be big, it just has to be mine and paid for. A fence would be really nice. I'd also buy a Toyota product so I could drive it for like, 200,000 miles. Next I would pay off as many debts as I could for my family and my dearest friend. Full coverage insurance, including dental and vision should be on the menu and Pug Rescue would get a hefty donation.

The rest I would bank with the excecption of always having a hundred bucks in my pocket. That would be wealth.

Uh, thanks?

Tonight at rehearsal, a young woman of 17 or 18 approached me with a somewhat awkward manner about her. She stammered, "I just wanted to tell you that you have such a look of confidence and you don't even wear any make up." And then, she drove the knife into my chest. "You are just really a beautiful older woman."

I don't know why she felt compelled to share her opinion of me as we'd never spoken before, other than a brief greeting. And I do think she meant to compliment me.

Perhaps she was going to follow up with, "Those are super-cute jeans for being plus sized!" Or something like, "Your home haircut is really adorable." I don't know, I didn't give her the chance.

Nor did I call her a "whippersnapper" or hit her with my cane.

You're Invited!

'Tis the season for parties and gift giving. It seems like every weekend, someone is getting engaged, getting married, having a baby, anniversay or birthday. Late spring and summer downright embarrass December in the present obligation department.

Fortunately, the brides, parents-to-be and even the old couples who no longer speak to each other are considerate enough to register someplace. They take all the guesswork (and creativity and thoughtfulness) out of the whole gift giving extravaganza. Most party invitations will even direct you to the store(s) of the recipient's choice. How handy!

I'm really good about sending gifts. I shop at Target, Babies R Us and Williams Sonoma. I'll go to the brick and mortar or online. I dial 1 800 FLOWERS. Hell, I even had one gift sent directly from NYC in a Robin's egg blue Tiffany's box. I've wrapped them by hand and paid big money to have it "professionally" done.

I love sending gifts. Why? Because attached to said present is a small card. On it I extend my sincerest regrets that I didn't/can't/won't make the party.

Small price to pay, in my honest opinion.