17 August 2005

No Granny Panties

I've been going to the YMCA. I figure as a middle-aged, overweight smoker, I should make some, miniscule effort to live past 40. There are a lot of different people at the SoCo Y. All shapes and sizes and I admire anyone who actually gets off their big hump and hauls it to the pool or gym once in a while.

A few days ago, I was working on a machine located behind the steppers. An older, but very fit woman trotted up and on to the step machine directly in front of me. We've all seen women like this; heels dug in as they approach a certain age, bleached hair circa 1991, platinum membership at the Tan Company. They generally wear excessive jewelry and emulate their college aged daughters' fashion leanings.

This particular woman was wearing a tank top and coordinating shorts. Bright orange shorts. Shorts that, at first glance appeared to have been airbrushed on. I found it only a little pathetic until I noticed her thong underwear visible through and above the shorts. Butt floss! On that old woman! At the gym! It was really gross. Then, of course, I felt like some sort of creep for actually looking at her butt at all. But, I did and there it was. A Golden Ager sporting a t-bar.

There are some things I just don't want to know. Old lady underwear (particularly if they are wearing g-strings) is one of them. Anyone else's underwear is the other.