28 December 2005

100% True Story

Somehow, somewhere, planets aligned and I found myself attending a St. Louis Blues hockey game the other night. This is the second time this year I've gone to a game but the first game, I actually watched the hockey. Night before last, I was far too distracted to pay attention to the puck, referees, players or even the general direction of the ice.

Two rows behind me sat a group of women, perhaps 5 of them, in their mid to late thirties. They were all dressed very, ahem..youthfully. Go to any mall and you'll see the get-up. Low-rider denim, sequined belt and midriff baring top. All the kids are wearing that uniform and so were these women. One difference might have been the depth-chart sized beer each held. And drank. And then tottered down the steps in high heeled boots to get said beers refilled.

I have never, ever, in my entire life heard a group of adults sound so stupid. It wasn't just the terrible grammar or the incessant "y'know?"s. It was the endless droning on about guys, shopping, guys, shopping. Then followed squealing laughter and announcements about having to pee.

About the time I was considering shooting myself in the face rather than risking the possibility that I might catch their dumbness, some poor dude rolled up and started spittin' mad game. As a really smooth opening line, this cat asked the pack if they were Dallas fans. Sadly, they were not. (Although one claimed to be married to Mike Modano.) Ol' boy dove right in with the Dallas insults in a desperate and wasted effort to be clever.

One chickadee replied, "Don't be mean about Dallas 'cause its a great state."

Your Honor, the prosecution rests.