05 February 2006

For Making Cheese, Right?

The girls and I usually go to the Soulard Market on Saturday mornings. We go for the unusual pastas, powdered sugar doughnuts made before our very eyes and because I like fresh flowers in the house. And, of course, the people watching can't be beat. My favorites are the county people who clearly have absolutely no idea how the traffic flows between the stalls. You can identify Ballwin women as they tend to clutch their Kate Spade purses tightly to their sides.

We try to scurry past the butcher-on-the-spot as quickly as humanly possible. The cages of cramped chickens, geese and the occasional rabbit are just too intense for our lazy weekend morning. Yesterday, there were two caged goats in the back of stall.

Now, I ask you this... Who, in downtown St. Louis, needs a whole live goat? Do people eat goats? At the crib, where would someone keep a goat? Backyard? Basement? Guest room? And does the purchaser of the goat just buckle it into the back seat of their Ford Taurus to get it home? Doesn't the city require some sort of permit to slaughter a live goat in your home? How is that sanitary?!

Is there a Goat Whisperer? If so, I'd like him to translate this message. "Use your curvy horn to impale the butcher and make a run for it! There will be a black Honda SUV waiting out on Broadway to take you to a safe farm in Millstadt. The driver will have a disguise that you must wear during the getaway. If you can, grab some mini-doughnuts on the way out. Now go!"